The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great also).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of destination, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that numerous of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay men desire to learn from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or his response not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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