The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Skull

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .

However when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in urban areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon click for more sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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